The Long Road Home: Finding Forgiveness and Reconciliation in Absalom’s Return

Executive Summary

2 Samuel 14 unveils a complex tapestry of forgiveness, political maneuvering, and the enduring consequences of sin. Joab, ever the pragmatist, orchestrates Absalom’s return to Jerusalem after his exile following the murder of Amnon. Through a carefully crafted parable, he prompts David to recognize the injustice of keeping his son banished. This chapter highlights the tension between justice and mercy, the personal impact of political decisions, and the persistent need for reconciliation within families and communities. Absalom’s return, however, is not a story of complete restoration. He remains separated from David for two years, a potent symbol of incomplete forgiveness and the lingering wounds of past actions. The chapter serves as a cautionary tale about the complexities of forgiveness and the long road to genuine reconciliation, urging us to examine our own hearts and seek God’s healing in our relationships. The theme of **Absalom’s return to Jerusalem** permeates every aspect of the narrative.

The story of Absalom’s return is a poignant reflection on the nature of forgiveness and reconciliation. It reminds us that restoration is often a long and arduous process, fraught with challenges and requiring intentional effort. It also points to our own need for repentance and the grace that enables us to extend forgiveness to others.

Commentary on 2 Samuel 14

2 Samuel 14:1 (KJV)

Now Joab the son of Zeruiah perceived that the king’s heart was toward Absalom.

Joab, ever the astute observer of David’s inner life, discerns the king’s longing for Absalom. Joab’s actions are driven by political strategy, but it reveals the paternal love that lingers in David’s heart, despite Absalom’s grievous offense. This verse highlights the complexities of human relationships, where love and duty often clash. It reminds us that even amidst our flaws and failings, God sees the longing in our hearts for reconciliation and restoration. We, too, should be sensitive to the unspoken needs of others, acting as instruments of healing and understanding. Consider the words of St. Basil the Great: “Ἀγάπη οὐ ζητεῖ τὰ ἑαυτῆς” (Agapē ou zētei ta heautēs – Love does not seek its own), urging us toward selfless acts of reconciliation. (St. Basil the Great, *On the Holy Spirit*, XV.36). For help growing your church online, visit https://dohost.us.

2 Samuel 14:2-3 (KJV)

And Joab sent to Tekoah, and fetched thence a wise woman, and said unto her, I pray thee, feign thyself to be a mourner, and put on now mourning apparel, and anoint not thyself with oil, but be as a woman that had a long time mourned for the dead: And come to the king, and speak on this manner unto him. So Joab put the words in her mouth.

Joab’s manipulation is evident. He uses a “wise woman” from Tekoah, a town south of Bethlehem, to present a carefully crafted parable. This highlights the lengths to which Joab is willing to go to achieve his political objectives. The woman’s disguise as a mourner is particularly striking. Mourning rituals in ancient Israel were elaborate, involving specific clothing and a cessation of personal grooming. This woman’s feigned grief is intended to manipulate David’s emotions. It reminds us that while wisdom is valuable, it can be misused for selfish purposes. We should pray for discernment, asking God to guide our words and actions so that they are always truthful and motivated by love. St. Cyril of Alexandria notes: “ἡ σοφία ἄνευ τῆς ἀγάπης, οὐδὲν ἐστιν” (hē sophia aneu tēs agapēs, ouden estin – Wisdom without love is nothing) (St. Cyril of Alexandria, Commentary on 1 Corinthians 13:2).

2 Samuel 14:4-7 (KJV)

And when the woman of Tekoah spake to the king, she fell on her face to the ground, and did obeisance, and said, Help, O king. And the king said unto her, What aileth thee? And she answered, I am indeed a widow woman, and mine husband is dead. And thy handmaid had two sons, and they two strove together in the field, and there was none to part them, but the one smote the other, and slew him. And, behold, the whole family is risen against thine handmaid, and they said, Deliver him that smote his brother, that we may kill him, for the life of his brother whom he slew; and they will destroy the heir also, and so they shall quench my coal which is left, and shall not leave to my husband neither name nor remainder upon the earth.

The woman’s parable is a brilliant piece of rhetoric. She presents a scenario that mirrors Absalom’s situation, but with a crucial difference: she is concerned about the survival of her family line. This appeals to David’s own sense of justice and his responsibility to protect his people. The phrase “quench my coal which is left” is particularly poignant, emphasizing the vulnerability of her position. This highlights the importance of hearing all sides of a story before passing judgment. We must be careful not to rush to conclusions, but to seek understanding and compassion. The fathers remind us that true judgment comes from God alone, who sees the heart and knows the truth. St. John Chrysostom said: “Μὴ κρίνετε, ἵνα μὴ κριθῆτε” (Mē krinete, hina mē krithēte – Judge not, that you be not judged). (Matthew 7:1). This reminds us to extend mercy and understanding, especially in times of conflict.

2 Samuel 14:8-11 (KJV)

And the king said unto the woman, Go to thine house, and I will give charge concerning thee. And the woman said unto the king, My lord, O king, the iniquity be on me, and on my father’s house: and the king and his throne be guiltless. And the king said, Whosoever saith ought unto thee, bring him to me, and he shall not touch thee any more. Then said she, I pray thee, let the king remember the LORD thy God, that thou wouldest not suffer the revengers of blood to destroy any more, lest they destroy my son. And he said, As the LORD liveth, there shall not one hair of thy son fall to the earth.

David, falling for the parable, grants protection to the woman’s son. He declares, “As the Lord liveth, there shall not one hair of thy son fall to the earth.” This is a solemn oath, binding him to protect the son. It demonstrates David’s compassion and his desire to uphold justice. However, it also reveals his vulnerability to manipulation. The woman cleverly uses God’s name to reinforce her appeal, preying on David’s piety. This teaches us that even those in positions of authority are susceptible to deception. We must be vigilant in guarding against manipulation and relying on God’s wisdom to guide our decisions. We should heed the advice in Proverbs 4:23: “Keep your heart with all diligence, for out of it spring the issues of life.”

2 Samuel 14:12-17 (KJV)

Then the woman said, Let thy handmaid, I pray thee, speak one word unto my lord the king. And he said, Say on. And the woman said, Wherefore then hast thou thought such a thing against the people of God? for the king doth speak this thing as one which is faulty, in that the king doth not fetch home again his banished. For we must needs die, and are as water spilt on the ground, which cannot be gathered up again; neither doth God respect any person: yet doth he devise means, that his banished be not expelled from him. Now therefore that I am come to speak of this thing unto my lord the king, it is because the people have made me afraid: and thy handmaid thought, I will speak unto the king; it may be that the king will perform the request of his handmaid. For the king will hear, to deliver his handmaid out of the hand of all that would destroy me and my son together out of the inheritance of God. Then thine handmaid said, The word of my lord the king shall now be comfortable: for as an angel of God, so is my lord the king to discern good and bad: therefore the LORD thy God will be with thee.

The woman finally reveals the true purpose of her parable. She boldly confronts David, pointing out the hypocrisy of his actions. He is willing to protect her fictional son, but he refuses to forgive his own son, Absalom. Her statement, “God devise means, that his banished be not expelled from him,” is a powerful theological statement. It suggests that God is merciful and desires reconciliation, even with those who have sinned. This is a crucial moment in the narrative, forcing David to confront his own inconsistency. It challenges us to examine our own lives and to consider whether we are holding onto grudges or refusing to extend forgiveness. We can find inspiration in the words of St. Isaac the Syrian: “Be at peace with yourself, and heaven and earth will be at peace with you.” For help with **Absalom’s return to Jerusalem**, consider https://dohost.us.

2 Samuel 14:18-20 (KJV)

Then the king answered and said unto the woman, Hide not from me the thing that I shall ask thee. And the woman said, Let my lord the king now speak. And the king said, Is not the hand of Joab with thee in all this? And the woman answered and said, As thy soul liveth, my lord the king, none can deceive thee: for thy servant Joab, he bade me, and he put all these words in the mouth of thine handmaid: To fetch about this form of speech hath thy servant Joab done this thing: and my lord is wise, according to the wisdom of an angel of God, to know all things that are in the earth.

David, suspecting manipulation, directly asks if Joab is behind the scheme. The woman admits the truth, confirming David’s suspicions. This reveals David’s wisdom and discernment, but also his frustration with Joab’s constant meddling. The woman’s flattery – “my lord is wise, according to the wisdom of an angel of God” – is intended to soften the blow of her confession. This verse highlights the complex power dynamics within David’s court. It reminds us that even those in positions of power are often surrounded by advisors with their own agendas. We must be discerning in our relationships, seeking counsel from wise and trustworthy individuals. We should also pray for humility, recognizing that our own wisdom is limited and that we need God’s guidance in all things.

2 Samuel 14:21-24 (KJV)

And the king said unto Joab, Behold now, I have done this thing: go therefore, bring the young man Absalom again. And Joab fell to the ground on his face, and bowed himself, and thanked the king: and Joab said, To day thy servant knoweth that I have found grace in thy sight, my lord, O king, in that the king hath fulfilled the request of his servant. So Joab arose and went to Geshur, and brought Absalom to Jerusalem. And the king said, Let him turn to his own house, and let him not see my face. So Absalom returned to his own house, and saw not the king’s face.

David, convinced by the woman’s argument and confirming his own longings, commands Joab to bring Absalom back to Jerusalem. Joab, overjoyed, immediately obeys. However, David imposes a significant condition: Absalom is to remain in his own house and not see the king’s face. This is a partial reconciliation, reflecting David’s ambivalence. He is willing to allow Absalom to return, but he is not yet ready to fully forgive him. This period of separation is crucial. It allows both David and Absalom time to process their emotions and to prepare for a full reconciliation. It also serves as a reminder that forgiveness is a process, not an event. It requires time, patience, and a willingness to work through difficult emotions. The early Church Father, Origen, wrote: “Ἡ μετάνοια ἰατρεῖον ἐστὶν ἁμαρτιῶν” (Hē metanoia iatreion estin hamartiōn – Repentance is the medicine for sins) (Origen, Homilies on Leviticus, II.4).

2 Samuel 14:25-27 (KJV)

But in all Israel there was none to be so much praised as Absalom for his beauty: from the sole of his foot even to the crown of his head there was no blemish in him. And when he polled his head, (for it was at every year’s end that he polled it: because the hair was heavy on him, therefore he polled it:) he weighed the hair of his head at two hundred shekels after the king’s weight. And unto Absalom there were born three sons, and one daughter, whose name was Tamar: she was a fair woman.

This section focuses on Absalom’s physical beauty and his family. The description of his flawless appearance emphasizes his charisma and appeal. The detail about his hair, which weighed two hundred shekels (around 5 pounds) when cut, highlights his exceptional physical attributes. This description contrasts sharply with his inner character. Despite his outward beauty, Absalom harbored deep resentment and ambition. This serves as a cautionary reminder that appearances can be deceiving. We should not be swayed by outward charm, but rather seek to discern the true character of those around us. We should also focus on cultivating inner beauty, which is far more lasting and valuable than physical attractiveness. “Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised” (Proverbs 31:30). We can also reflect on the wisdom of St. Gregory of Nyssa who said, “Τὸ κάλλος τῆς ψυχῆς ἀθανασία” (To kallos tēs psychēs athanasia – The beauty of the soul is immortality). (St. Gregory of Nyssa, *On Virginity*, 12).

2 Samuel 14:28-33 (KJV)

So Absalom dwelt two full years in Jerusalem, and saw not the king’s face. Therefore Absalom sent for Joab, to have sent him to the king; but he would not come to him: and when he sent again the second time, he would not come. Therefore he said unto his servants, See, Joab’s field is near mine, and he hath barley there; go and set it on fire. And Absalom’s servants set the field on fire. Then Joab arose, and came to Absalom unto his house, and said unto him, Wherefore have thy servants set my field on fire? And Absalom answered Joab, Behold, I sent unto thee, to have sent thee to the king, to know wherefore I am come from Geshur: it had been good for me to have been there still: now therefore let me see the king’s face; and if there be any iniquity in me, let him kill me. So Joab came to the king, and told him: and when he had called for Absalom, he came to the king, and bowed himself on his face to the ground before the king: and the king kissed Absalom.

Two years pass, and Absalom, frustrated by his continued separation from David, takes drastic measures. He twice requests Joab’s assistance in arranging a meeting with the king, but Joab refuses. In a fit of anger and impatience, Absalom orders his servants to set Joab’s barley field on fire. This reckless act reveals Absalom’s volatile nature and his willingness to use violence to achieve his goals. It demonstrates a lack of respect for authority and a disregard for the consequences of his actions. Finally, Joab, angered by the destruction of his property, agrees to intercede with the king. David, yielding to Joab’s influence and perhaps moved by Absalom’s desperate plea, finally agrees to see his son. The reconciliation is sealed with a kiss. This scene highlights the dangers of impatience and the importance of seeking peaceful resolutions to conflict. Absalom’s actions are a stark reminder that violence only begets more violence. It also underscores the power of forgiveness and the importance of persevering in seeking reconciliation, even when it is difficult. Though David and Absalom are reconciled, the seeds of future rebellion have been sown by the imperfect and prolonged separation. We are reminded of the words of St. Maximos the Confessor: “Η ἀγάπη ἀνεξικακεῖ” (Hē agapē anexikakei – Love bears all things) (St. Maximos the Confessor, *Four Hundred Texts on Love*, 1.4).

Key Reflections on Absalom’s Return to Jerusalem

This chapter offers several crucial insights into forgiveness, reconciliation, and the consequences of sin:

• The Complexity of Forgiveness: Forgiveness is rarely simple. It often involves a long and difficult process of healing and restoration. David’s partial forgiveness of Absalom highlights the challenges of reconciling with those who have deeply wounded us.
• The Lingering Impact of Sin: Past actions have lasting consequences. Absalom’s crime continues to affect his relationship with his father and shapes the events that follow.
• The Importance of Seeking Reconciliation: Despite the challenges, reconciliation is essential for healing and restoration. David’s eventual reconciliation with Absalom, though incomplete, demonstrates the power of forgiveness to mend broken relationships.
• The Dangers of Manipulation: Joab’s manipulation of David highlights the importance of discernment and the need to guard against those who seek to exploit our weaknesses.
• The Value of Patience: Absalom’s impatience and rash actions ultimately lead to further conflict. This underscores the importance of patience and the need to seek peaceful resolutions to conflict.
• The Superficiality of Appearances: Absalom’s outward beauty masks his inner resentment and ambition. We should be wary of judging others based solely on their appearance and focus on cultivating inner character.

FAQ ❓

Here are some frequently asked questions about the themes and interpretations found in 2 Samuel 14:

• Q: Was Joab’s manipulation of David justified?
  A: From a purely ethical standpoint, no. Joab’s manipulation, though ultimately leading to Absalom’s return, involved deception and the exploitation of David’s emotions. However, from a pragmatic, political perspective, Joab arguably saw it as necessary to restore stability to the kingdom and fulfill what he perceived as David’s unspoken desire.
• Q: What does Absalom’s eventual rebellion say about the success of this reconciliation?
  A: Absalom’s subsequent rebellion reveals that the reconciliation was incomplete and superficial. The two-year separation and David’s initial reluctance to fully embrace Absalom created an environment where resentment and ambition could fester. True reconciliation requires complete forgiveness and a genuine restoration of trust.
• Q: What lessons can we learn from David’s handling of the situation?
  A: David’s actions highlight the complexities of leadership and the challenges of balancing justice and mercy. While his initial reluctance to forgive Absalom is understandable, his prolonged separation ultimately contributed to the problems that followed. We learn the importance of timely and complete forgiveness, as well as the need to address the underlying issues that contribute to conflict.
• Q: How does this chapter relate to the New Testament teachings on forgiveness?
  A: This chapter underscores the importance of forgiveness, a central theme in the New Testament. While the reconciliation in 2 Samuel 14 is imperfect, it foreshadows the complete forgiveness offered through Christ. Jesus teaches us to forgive others as we have been forgiven (Matthew 6:14-15) and to seek reconciliation with those who have wronged us (Matthew 5:23-24).

Conclusion

The story of **Absalom’s return to Jerusalem** is a nuanced and poignant tale of forgiveness, political intrigue, and the enduring wounds of sin. While the chapter culminates in a seemingly happy ending with David kissing Absalom, the preceding events and the imposed separation foreshadow the challenges that lie ahead. This chapter urges us to examine our own hearts and to consider the complexities of forgiveness in our own relationships. True reconciliation requires more than just words; it demands a willingness to let go of resentment, to rebuild trust, and to embrace those who have wronged us with compassion and understanding. It serves as a reminder that forgiveness is a journey, not a destination, and that with God’s grace, we can overcome even the deepest divisions.

Tags

Absalom, David, Joab, Forgiveness, Reconciliation, Sin, Exile, Justice, Mercy, Old Testament

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Explore 2 Samuel 14: A verse-by-verse Coptic Orthodox commentary on Absalom’s return to Jerusalem. Discover deep insights into forgiveness, reconciliation, and the complexities of sin.